One of my favorite fantasies based on a porn movie was “Debbie Does Dallas.” I love vintage football and dirty cheerleaders. However, with all apologies to Bambi Woods (the protagonist of Debbie Does Dallas) — the older I get, the more I remember my years living near US military bases, the more I’ve become, patriotically speaking, “Stone Age old school” in pursuit of my orgasm.
First, did you know when we eliminated bin Laden on May 2, 2011 in Abbottabad, Pakistan, not only did SEAL Team Six kill the terror mastermind, they also retrieved computers and documents from his office? And boy, did they contain a treasure trove of pornography! (Note: This wasn’t the only such incident in 2011. Berlin police detained Austrian Maqsood Lodin, who had recently returned from Pakistan. They found memory cards in his underwear. At first, it just looked like tons of porn; however, in one of the video files Lodin had hidden hundreds of Al Qaeda documents and training manuals!) Believe me when I say that even terrorists use pornography while hatching their devious plans!
My ultimate fantasy would be if the porn film Bin Laden watched for the last time had actually been one that I worked on. Imagine that the movie is so fucking great, he doesn’t even hear the sound of the Navy SEAL walking up the stairs. Then, at the moment Bin Laden cums all over his laptop, the SEAL kicks the office door wide open and shoots the motherfucker in the face. All I’m saying is, my work helped stop this international menace. I should be getting a fucking Congressional Medal of Honor!
Hey, I don’t care. It’s my fantasy and I’m sticking to it. And sticking it to Jimmy Jihad, too!