Since ancient times, the Middle East territory has been of great historical importance. An area connected to Asia, Africa and Europe, it is the world’s most important source of energy, and home to three major religions — as well as, unfortunately, relentless bloody conflicts. So it’s a region known for its intense, colorful and spicy ways of life. Do you know what doesn’t get too much attention? The “Middle West!” Okay, most Americans call it the Midwest.
To me, Indiana, Ohio, Kentucky, Illinois and Missouri form an important wellspring of erotic energy, for good or ill. These places are connected not only geographically but also for several historical reasons: Ohio (birth state of John Holmes and Traci Lords), Kentucky (origin of Larry Flynt and his Hustler Club), Illinois (childhood stomping grounds of Hugh Hefner and my ex-boss John Stagliano aka Buttman), and Missouri (Cleveland’s William Masters and Springfield’s Virginia Johnson, better known as Masters and Johnson, who studied the body’s physiological responses to sex at Washington University in St Louis).
Some of you erudite readers might be wondering, what about Indiana? I saved the Kinsey Report for you people. This pivotal work was written by pioneering sexologist Alfred Kinsey, who also created the influential Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Their famous report challenged conventional beliefs about sexuality and discussed subjects that had previously been taboo. Kinsey was simply the crown jewel and pride of Indiana University.
You know who’s not the pride of Indiana University? Mr. Subway Boy, Jared Scott Fogel himself! Some of you might question what this native Hoosier has to do with adult desires, beyond a notorious interest in minor children. Well, during his heyday, Subway used to promote the narrative that Jared had lost tons of weight by eating Subway meals daily. A Subway restaurant had moved to the first floor of Jared’s off-campus apartment, which was perfect not only because of its location, but the fact he was constantly walking around the school campus and didn’t have time to make meals for himself. And just why was he running all over? Because Jared was IU’s Porn King (I think Alfred would’ve approved), selling and renting adult DVDs for profit. His ability to (even as a college kid) eat out every day came about through video rentals at $1 a day, which along with his extensive smut collection made Jared the de facto campus porn mogul.
He lost tons of weight because he took his fat ass all over the place to deliver porn. Did Subway help? Sure, but the massive bulk of the weight loss came from Jared’s hustling. This is what the Subway marketing team gets for not doing their due diligence!
I’ve heard people use the phrase “food porn” before, but the collaboration of Jared and Subway made for a perfect example. Each of them provided the right ingredients, slapped between two tasteless hunks of bread. Don’t ever question the sexual power of America’s Middle West, the land of sex, porn and intellectual desire…
(End note: The founder of Subway, Fred DeLuca, despite being married, had numerous extramarital affairs — most scandalously with wives of Subway franchisees! Just as things work in the porn world — if you are in the business of footlongs, you’ve got a lot of mouths to feed!)